a full pessimist, not in recovery



Is that it? Now, I am in Europe and have the worst time ever. Nobody to talk. Nobody to love. Nobody to live. 

This is what I feel these days. Completely alone. 

Now, I am thinking about killing myself again. Is it possible? 

I just want to talk to you my fishi. I know you hate me. But I need your voice. your presence. I have not imagined this life. I am sure I was wrong. But what can I do?

I stuck in this f*cking life.

I have nothing to say anymore. 

God please help me to die. This is the last thing I want. Please. Are you there? I need this death.  


Is it really hard to understand what I want? I know no body can see me. I really hate this life. Where are you my love? I wish I can do something to bring you into my life. I need you. Maybe more than ever. 

Everyday I just think about how I can touch you, feel you, and love you more. 

I know I am crazy. I probably never see again. 

I do not know what to do. 

I can not live without you. 

I regret my past with you every second of my life. 

I hope I can be with you soon. 

Pleas God, help me. 

I love my goddess more than any thing and any one in my life. 

My fishi. 


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